We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
they're like a gay fantastic four
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
