omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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