how do flat chested girls get laid?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
