the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
