Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
