I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
