She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
