i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
