mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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