i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
