It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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