Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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