Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
