OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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