Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
