What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
