Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
