God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
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