It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
