we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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