it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
