i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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