I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
