I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
