O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
