we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
