walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
