And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
