WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
