i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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