i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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