I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
