you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
