I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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