So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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