You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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