So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
