I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
