dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
