Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
