dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My bed smells like the plague
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
