We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
two words: eviction party
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
