i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
