Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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