I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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