i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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