well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
