we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
