Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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