Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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