if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
