the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Come on in and take your pants off
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