someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
