sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
