Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
