I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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