alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
