I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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