Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
