I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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