We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
