hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
