Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
