dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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