Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
