your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
