if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
